That new condition...

Recently, a new condition has been placed upon me by a dear friend...
For the first time ever...
I will be the one to call up...
Why is that so screwed up? Well I'll tell you...
See, the thing is...
That since I was a kid, I've never really been the kind to call up a person. Hell, when Mom went on month long business trips I never called her, even though I was like 8 years old. A age where children are often still quite attached to their parents.
Did I miss her? Yes.
Did I ever even think of calling her? No.
I call people if I have work though.
Which kind of makes me matlabi right?
Yeah... But the thing is... That I'm normally so approachable that people just end up calling me. So I end up talking to them. Plus, when I call them for the work, I make sure to check into other things as well.

But still!
It's something to improve apon! And I'm not going to miss that kind of and opportunity.
So! My good friend! (You know who you are) Prepare to be called!
Wow...
Even thinking about it feels weird.
Par nai!
It's worth it.
My Friends are all always worth it! Woohoo!!!

Why I pushed you out of my life.

Some of the reasons... :|

1. Because seeing your face just pisses me off.
2. Because you just don't get it.
3. Because I can't handle this shit.
4. Because roses are read, violets are blue, why don't you mind your own fucking business?
5. Because at the end of the day, no matter how wrong it may seem or be, I do, most certainly, Hate you.
6. Because without you around, I sleep better.
7. Because my Gut told me so.
8. Because you preach.
9. Because you preach.
10. Because you preach.
11. Because you say more than you listen.
12. Because you assume to much.
13. Because you're way too loud.
14. Because you're stubborn.
15. Because you hurt me.
16. Because you think you know it all.
17. Because you sometimes play with the situation.
18. Because you don't know when to stop.
19. Because you were unfair to all the wrong people.
20. But lastly, and most of all, it's because every time you come along on any plane, all that comes to me is "Fuck That Shit! I'm Outta Here!"

It's scary...

It's scary when things move too fast...
When before you know it, entire days have gone by...
When questions come up faster than you can solve 'em...
When you can see the future in the distance and aren't sure about whether or not you can handle it when it finally hits.

It's scary when new things keep happening...
When you meet a lot of new people in a very short time...
When you start feeling emotions...
It's worse when they're new ones.


It's scary when you start realizing new things about yourself...
A new taste you like, a new texture, a new colour or a new shape...
A new song...
A deeper meaning...
When you're more connected to it all than you think...

It's scary...
But I guess I can't get enough of it...
Of just standing there in the cold dark just guessing at the actual date and time...
Yeah...
It's good.
It feels good...

The feelings and emotions and experiences and people and music and everything else...
It feels awesome!!! XD

Weird Stuff...

Omar is a bloody ACL for Kshitij! Holy Shit!

Opening Bell is now 9AM! Dman!

Gupta Finished Skulduggery in like a day! Yeh Kya Hai?!

I managed to bang into the same wall Twice in a row! WTF?!

Jimmy Hilloo's willing to do me some PR! Dude!


Life's full of weird shit...
Weird...

Note To Self:

As Worried As I Am. As Shitty Hav Things Have Gotten Recently. I Am Not Giving Up. I Will Get Things Done. Period.

PS:Boo-Yeah Bitches!!!!

A Competition Entry...

I wrote the following for a competition. We were given a scene (A room filled with stuff)and were to write a story by interpreting what we saw.
I wish I hap pictures of what was there, but I don't. Apologies if some things feel a little out of context.

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Journal Entry,21st November, 2009.

I've been six days since I've slept. About ten since I've eaten. I've been living off the alcohol since the tofu ran out. The abandoned college building is better than the apartment. I like the cold here. Makes me feel human. There's something about the cold night air filling up your lungs that reminds you that you're no better than every other sad excuse of a living being around you. I sometimes sit and wonder why the others can't see it. Why no one else sees it. Because I keep going out and stealing the news paper every day, and they still aren't over me. They started out with stories on how I went missing. How I might have been 'kidnapped' for the ransom. How I might have just run away from it all. They say the money got to me. But it didn't! I swear to God it didn't! It was her. It was all her. Yes, it was always her...

It still is you know! Yes, yes! It is her! She's the only reason I'm still here. Alive and breathing. I see her every day you know. The building looks over her. I see her every day. No one knew about us. No one. They weren't allowed to know. I couldn't tell Them. But I did! Why? WHY DAMNIT! No. No. It wasn't my fault. It couldn't have been my fault! It was Their Fault. They couldn't see us together. They didn't like that I was happy.

Mother liked me happy though... She let me paint whenever I wanted. And she even let me keep the money I made when I sold the paintings. I miss Mother. But They told me to say Good Bye. So I did. I cut her and beat her and I said Good Bye to her. It wasn't my fault! I swear to Got it wasn't my fault! THEY TOLD ME TO SAY GOOD BYE! I can't not obey them! I can't...

But I can paint. And... And people liked it when I painted. They clapped and smiled when they say my paintings. Inbred Swine. Those people never saw through me. Never say through the paint. Never saw my soul. But she did. She saw through it all and she cried. She wept when she saw my soul. She understood me. And we were together. And I Loved her. Ans she loved me too. But no one knew. No one could know. But They found out! I told Them, And when I went to see her next they told me to say Good Bye. I told them that I couldn't. No I couldn't! It wasn't fair! You aren't fair! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT! But They wouldn't leave me alone. So I had to do it.

I like yellow. It... It feels good. I have yellow hands right now. I dipped them in paint yesterday. I like orange too. Orange was her favorite colour...

And I miss her... I knew I'd miss her... But I couldn't help it. I had to do what I did. She screamed when I took her by the neck into the bathroom. Her voice was so clear. So beautiful. But no one heard us. No one. I made sure of it. And when I forced her into the tub full of yellow her hands looked so much like mine. The paintbrush made red in the tub too. She was found three days later in a tub of blood and paint. All I saw was Orange. She seemed happy. Yes, she was happy. No she wasn't! She couldn't have been happy! What did I do? What have I don? Oh God! Forgive me! They made me do it! You know They did! I tried to say no! I did! I swear!

But you understand.... Yes. God understands me! He knows I'm innocent. That's why no one ever found out that it was me. Yes... He protected me...

I couldn't stay there anymore though. Not at home... No. Too many people. Far too many. And the noise. Oh the noise. It killed me! So I came here. It was closer to her. It still is. I see her every day. And when no one's looking, I give her flowers. Orange carnations, whenever I can.

I've done a lot in my six months here you know... I painted another painting. It's smaller than what I usually do. But it had to be done. It's all I have left. People sold all my paintings after I was declared dead by the police. And they took away my house. And they started saying all kinds of things about what kind of a person I was. BUT THEY DON'T KNOW ME! NONE OF THEM KNOW ME! Only she knew me... But I said Good Bye to her... They made me say Good Bye to her. Why? Why? I miss her! I miss you so much! Why did They make you go away? Why?

I even tried telling them how I felt... took all the pictures of me in the papers and painted tears on them. I crumpled them up so my tars faced inside. My inside. So They could see. But They ignored me. They keep ignoring me...

No! I can't do it anymore! I can't take Them anymore! They keep talking! They keep talking! Why won't They just stop talking?

I know... I know what I'll do now. I'll say Good Bye to Them! I've done Their bidding all my life! I can't! No! I WON'T take it anymore! Shut up! Shut up! You will not dictate my life to me anymore. None of you! I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid of You All anymore! I'll end it today. And rest near her. I have an old blade somewhere. I'll find it soon enough. And I'll cut myself open one last time. And I'll do it so it stays that way. I'll leave some blood for the room. Something to leave Them behind in. I have some yellow paint left as well. I'll go paint her grave her favourite colour this one last time.

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