Explanations.

It's the feeling of a dam breaking.
The villagers never had a chance.
It's fast and all-encompassing. It's painful and exhausting.
You're too empty to fill yourself with happiness.
Whatever little happiness you get is like cotton burnt at night in order to keep yourself warm.
It's burnt in small amounts and it's burnt fast. It doesn't last.
The emptiness fills in with so many negative emotions, attracted by the depth of the whole you have inside.
Nothing cuts it. Nothing numbs it out.
Like water on a page full of letters your emotional state blurs you view of things.
Actions slow and function ceases to be.
You're stuck, alone and scared.
And everything that people say is mere bullshit.
Because they don't get it. They just don't get it.
And everything you say is meaningless. It's pointless and makes no sense whatsoever.
Because of the reasons mentioned before you're done for.
You’re in a ditch only you can claw yourself out of.
But you're so tired.
So fucking tired.
You eyes will barely stay open.
But every time you close them the thoughts and visions come out of hiding, stronger every time.
The music you listen to only helps to keep you alive and breathing. A mere distraction from what's really going on inside.
Every now and then your feet brush the edge of the pit inside of you and the ditch you're in seems that much bigger and tougher to get out of.
What do you do when this happens? How does "Just Get Out Of It." or "Don't Worry, it’ll all be ok!" help here? Why can't they just say something that'll help? Am I that undeserving?
Is that what I've achieved? Is that what everything I've done has amounted to?
I'm alone and afraid and there's no one. No One.
I've lost again.
Just like I've always lost.
I've always lost.
And ditch gets deeper...

Function.

Just a thought that crossed my mind for those that worry about me so much...


It matters not to the world whether we smile or weep in the confines of our room with our doors and windows shut, curtains drawn. The world will not remember and look up to a happy or content man but will instead have a man of consequence, of action etched into their memories. Good or Bad, action is what matters. Results are what matter. Happiness is too impractical a goal to desire, Effectiveness is what's worth aiming for. The greatest level of Contentment isn't enough to win the world, hat of Productivity is. So fear not when I do not smile or laugh with joy. Because I Function. And I could ask for nothing more. :)