Bengrid the lost sat up on his bed. He wanted to look the world in the eye, and he did. Looked straight out of the window. He spoke softly and surely.
Sometimes I wish I could talk and just feel like shit and bitch and moan. I wish I could just lie there, wallowing in self pity. Rolling from side to side, just being grumpy and hating things.
Sometimes I wish I could just lash out and scream. I wish you could hear me screaming. For I scream in my head all the time. Maybe if you had the chance to watch me rise from one of the nightmares. Or just observe me as I roam about at night. Tired and frustrated. Helpless.
I wish you could make me feel better. I really do. But you can't. It isn't your fault. It's nobody's fault. After all, I'm the asshole here. But I just can't stop wishing for that you know? I rally can't. I wish someone could help. I wish someone, anyone was free and willing and able. I just can't seem to find anyone who's all three.
I wish I could cry. I wish I could be a little kid again and just cry it out. And fall asleep. But I can't. Nope. No chance. I can't even breakdown. Because honest to god, I can't break down all alone again
I wish I was allowed to scream. If only I could get angry and let it out. Maybe you'd understand, maybe you wouldn't. I do not know and so, I can not risk it.I just couldn't bring myself to risking it"
I'm sorry."
He then took a deep breath. Maybe two, maybe three. We may never know. He closed his eyes. He was gone.
