Past Few Days...

No. I don't know why I keep writing here even though no one reads it...
Anyway...
Past few days have been pretty darn awesome. Last four have been... Well...
20 Hours Long. Each. Fuck. Crazy Shit Man!
Man...
Yesterday, this guy calls me up at fucking 4:30 AM and asks me which shade of white I want. SHADE OF FUCKING WHITE.
I can barely keep my eyes open...
Ah well...

So I performed with Namit today at his party. He got into Medical College so he threw one. Videos should be up soon.
I can say Very Very Proudly that Namit is one of the most awesome-ess people I've ever known.
Congrats Bro! You're The Shit man! You Are The Shit!(And for those of you that don't know, that's a good thing)

My friend Tyagi just showed me this video related to Israel and Lebanon. To be honest I, at this point. just don't give a fuck. We're in enough shit as it is man! Read an Arab newspaper and Israel is the terrorist. Read a Israeli newspaper and Gaza is infested with Muslim terrorists. I mean come on... We all know it right?
One man's hero is another man's terrorist yaar!
To Indians reading this, Boss, wake the fuck up. Look around you. We, as a nation have enough bullshit to deal with man. Try working on that instead of looking at the rest of the world and having opinions on how it works. Unless you're doing something, you don't have the right to complain about anything.
Seriously man!

*Sigh*
I need sleep. I'm getting cranky...

In other news...

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. A F.A.R meeting, the long awaited lunch with the band, college and other random stuff...

It's funny...
I performed Mad World today.
Don't even know how it went...
But it felt real good you know...
Performing with Namit on Drums and me one Vocals and Piano...
Fun shit man!

I think that's enough of an update on what's going on and enough of an opinion on anything...
Catch you guys later man!
Adios!

Getting back to rambling...

So I've been walking, listening to music, losing weight, listening to music, walking, writing songs, smiling goofy, smiling normal and...
Well yeah...
That's about all I've been up to...
Ummm...
Marine drive is amazing to walk at. But today I tried to sit near the tetrapod and stumbled upon a couple who seemed to be getting jiggy with it. I ran away. Other than that it was fun. Listened to some good music and wrote a few rhymes. The ocean was an unusual calm though...
That's weird. Very very weird...
Who knows what it's planning...
In other news...
I've lost weight! Ha! 1Kg down. Why am I excited? Do I no longer wish to be the Fat Man that Rambles? Is Aakash "The Fat Man" Mehta no longer a suitable name? Naw man! For reasons that are for a few to know, I am immnesly happy about it. So go along with it will ya?
I'm diving back into Death Cab For Cuite. Unbelievably beautiful lyrical imagery, witty, nice and what now. Just frggin great! I don't remember why their play count went low in the first place.
I'm sure Falak will have a totally unneeded reason for it. XD Give it to me Weird Beard!
For those of you that haven't heard 'em/of 'em, here's something to get you started...
Soul Meets Body, Expo '86, Photobooth, The Sound Of Settling, Marching Bands Of Manhattan, Title And Registration, Grapevine Fires, I Will Follow You Into The Dark, I Will Posses Your Heart (Listen to the radio edit if you're not into instrumentals cause it starts of with 4 mins of the stuff)
Listen to 'em at least thrice. Then make up your mind on them.
Those of you that have heard 'em/of 'em, listen to the one's above that you haven't already heard.
I love the lyrics man! AMAZING Lyrics!
As for me writing songs...
Man...
Feels nice to be able to write agian...
Just a little longer for dictator. I'll have the final out by...
Let's say about Saturday? I know I said Wednesday, but it seems that I do need THE conversation for it.
Why are you goofy smiling asked someone...
I goofy smiled in reply.
Why are you smiling asked someone...
I smiled in reply.
I fucking know Why I'm so fucking high man! If you wanna know..
Figure it out! It'll be fun! XD

Enough Rambled now...
Take good care now!

Confection.

It's DONE!!!



Now if I could I'd be molecule of carbon,
In everything I'd lie and wait for you to call,
No I'm not into the music for the stardom,
I'd rather be down here and wait for you to fall.

Then maybe I could catch you,
Show you a direction,
To me I would attach you,
We'd be the best confection.

Ever.


Now if I could I'd be a cell that's grey in colour,
And you could use me every time you had a test,
And though compared to you I'd be the one that's smaller,
Love I promise you that I would be the best.

One to ever catch you,
Show you a direction,
To me I would attach you,
We'd be the best confection.

Ever.


Now if I could I'd be molecule of carbon,
In everything I'd lie and wait for you to call,
No I'm not into the music for the stardom,
I'd rather be down here and wait for you to call.
So I'll just stay awake and wait for you to call.

Okok...
I am going to do two things now.
Firstly. From day after, I will be finishing Dictator. Yup! By Wednesday, you'll have part 4.

And!

Being unbelievably inspired by Death Cab For Cutie, I'm going to write a song.

Wish me cookies people! Here I Go!

Funny...

If everything could ever feel this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good all day.
The only thing I'll ever ask of you,
Gotta promise not to stop when I say when.

I actually feel this sometimes...
Funny...

Let's, Inspired By a Lady named Tyagi.

Thank You Shivangi. : )

Let's all go to Marine Drive. Let's have a day. Let's all sit and look at the waves some. Let's all look at me weird when I buy the 5 rupee tea. Let's just sit there and ponder and wonder about what life has been to us, what it is today, and what it'll be tomorrow. Let's just chill a little and hang out. Let's all go to Coffee Bean and sit there for hours and hours and talk about nothing in particular. Let's compliment the music and the décor and complain to one another about how the people working there somehow always forget to wish us, "Good morning! Welcome to Coffee Bean!" even though it's 6PM. Let's all go for a movie. And pass comments all throughout. Let's fight over which actor is the hottest. Let's buy us some Caramel popcorn. Let's just sit at home and listen to The Killers or the Beatles or Death Cab For Cutie. Let's sing along to every song we know. Let's jam some. For like 5 hours a day. Let's just fool around with our instruments till music is born. Let's just smile and look at each other when someone else says something. Let's have an inside joke to a lot of things. Let's disturb people in restaurants with our laughing. Let's have some fun. Let's just sit and not say a word. Just say nothing at all. Let's have a comfortable silence. Let's all go to Marine Drive. Let's have a day...

Master Card Ad I Thought Of.

Please do not take any of the below seriously. I'm just joking. I mean no offence to anyone. K? Anyone!


Buying that first copy of a religious text, Rs.800 Rupees.
Attending the local brainwashing center, Rs.6,000.
Going over to the closest training camp, Rs.50,000.
Decent quality RDX, Rs.45,000.
Screaming "DIE DIE DIE!!!" on a packed commercial airliner, Priceless.

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else... :P

A short goodbye.

I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of missing out on the music. On the people. On the smiles. A little under the weather the last few days. Nothing to worry about. I'll bounce back. I think i'll have to pull out of the news paper thing. My doctor has ordered me to stop doing any and all extra-curricular activities except for music(since music has an unusual calming effect). The flow of music is better now. Oren Lavie and Foo Fighters are keeping me well above the "Breakdown" Line.

Wanted to ask everyone to please take care. H1N1's spreading real fast. Please take care of yourselves. I don't want any of you sick. Ok? If you're not feeling well visit a doctor immediately. There's Viral going around in Mumbai as well. Plus climate's a little haywire these days. So just take care.

Still looking for that magical conversation as well... The one I need to finish dictator. Man! So many people who could give me that conversation. But I need to get better acquainted with them to have it.

Looking forward to meeting some people for lunch this Friday. Looking forward to Thursday too. : ).

Nothing else to report really... Oh yeah... One thing...

So you know Everlong... The song I'm hooked to? The chorus goes like:

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

:D Man. I actually wonder that once in a while. Man! :) Yay!

Song In My Mind: Everlong by Foo Fighters, Short Goodbye by Oren Lavie and Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie. Give 'em a listen. Lemme know...

Writing To Mr.Lavie

I Wrote to Mr.Lavie! MR.OREN LAVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

A bit of a situation...

It's happening... Just as I figured it would... Dammit. So college started and it seems that the changes have started as well. There's an energetic and chilled out fellow named Mehta in college that turns tired and kinda bitter as soon as he gets home. It seems like I'm just tired of people... Music.. .Ah music... I'm so fuckin starved of music these days. I want more. No. I NEED more music to keep me going.. Man. It fees so surreal. So fucking surreal. It's better than anything else. The names of some people in college keep ringing in my head. No. No romantic interests! Friends. I have a good feeling about some of the people I've met. Personalities I'm dying to dive and delve into man! Fucking brilliant personalities! But then again... Maybe I'm just too excited. On the home front things are that good. tired bitter Mehta is no fucking good. Nothing makes me less tired. I'm just too exhausted to give a fuck about most stuff... Which creates a problem. Conversations aren't conversations any more. They don't make any sense somehow man... They're just not as fun... Mainly because both of us seem kinda irritated with it all... Who am I talking about? Well a friend and I... Other than that... Nothing really is up...

We had Fusion eliminations today. I don't know if we'll get through... It wasn't all that good. Jai Hind, IIT Powai fusion guys... RESPECT man. Respect. That was some of the best music I've heard by amateur musicians in well... Forever. AMAZING stuff! I know for a fact that if we qualify, we're gonna have to work our asses off just to get to the level these guys are on right now...

Songs on my mind right now: Everlong by Foo Fighters and Everlong by Foo Fighters. I can't help it. It's just one of those songs. I love that song. Hear it once... Lemme know... :)

Timepass ranting... The crazy talk of a 16 year old.

NOTE: This is possibly a piece of fiction.


Why do I need a reason? Why? Why do I need to know how it ticks? I can't take the fact that I don't know. I can't take the fact that I want to know. It's pathetic really. Living a life, not knowing your purpose and being aware of the fact. Wanting to know it so badly. I've always thought I'd find somewhere that I belonged. When I go quite, I know it all to well. At fist. But as always I reach the point where I must question where I belong. Being alone and quite is just fine. But a part of me can't help but long for a place where I belong. Somewhere I can just be loved for who I am and what I am. And I know I've always had it. Home. My Buddies. But something inside just won't get filled man. A thirst for comfort which is just so difficult to quench. No... It's almost impossible to quench. I feel cold again. Ha! I miss Shivangi today... Dunno why... But somehow whenever I talk to her it gets warm again... There are people that once made it all warm... A sense of love that filled that spot of loneliness in me. But it always goes away. Maybe because Aakash Mehta in his core value is no good. I fit into no cliché. No group. No set. And though all of us (humans) are just as unique it stings that I just can't feel like I belong anywhere. Why dammit? Why? It all looks quite futile sometimes. As if I should just give it up. Quit trying and be myself. But I am myself. Or am I? Am I subconsciously just trying to be something else? All I try to do is be true to myself. But somehow it just doesn't work. “Who am I kidding” I'm forced to ask myself every now an then. And I don't know. Because I don't think I'm kidding anyone at all. I study and practice everyday. But at the end of it all it's still as if I'm lying to myself. I don't even know why...

What am I supposed to be here dammit! Am I but a plaything for the Gods to watch and laugh at? Is it funny in the grand scheme of things how lost at sea I sometimes feel? Is it humorous that I run into a solid brick wall every time I'm close to finding something acceptable out? Is it a good show to watch me get knocked down and get back up every fucking time? Honestly! Someone tell me! Where's that calm voice that says “It'll be alright” ? Why doesn't the music say it'll all be fine? Why Am I listening to the most bitter-sweet piece I know over and over again? Why is that all that gives me comfort man! WHY? Fuck! Maybe it's something I should just give up on. Any I know that I eventually will. But it'll be back in my mind again. And I'll write something of this sort again.

Am I supposed to be but an observer? Just watch the show as it unfolds. Observe everything including myself as I go through my ups and downs and sigh and smile and say “life” at the end of it all? It makes sense. I feel like running away sometimes. Behind a one way glass where I can just look at people without every interfering with their lives. Without wasting their time.

I wish I'd stop breaking things down you know. I love it. But I just can't take it sometimes. How do you break something that knocks you off your feet every time you listen to it? I want to be killed by it all once. I don't want to disassemble everything and figure out how to deal with it. I want to not understand. I want to breakdown and cry for a while myself instead of looking at someone and, while helping them back up, observing and calculating and taking notes in my head. It's so disgusting. I'm so disgusting. I'm pathetic. I want to be simple. I don't want parts to myself. I miss when I didn't think. I miss not being able to control my emotions.

I explain things to myself you know. Every now and then. Whenever something fucked up occurs. Every time I fall I explain it all to myself. “Mehta, you're a grown up now. You can't cry over it. Understand man. It's human nature. That's how people are. It's ok.” And it is right? Right? I don't even know. But I don't have a choice. What will happen if I do let myself fall? Will I ever be able to speak to the person concerned? Will I ever let them know? Of course not. What's the point na... When I tell someone they hurt me they might just feel bad. Plus whenever I've asked for closure in the past, it's all been promptly denied.

I feel lighter now. But not for long. The song just reached that point where says it all. When It's my life in about a minute worth of music. It reminds me again. I wish someone would come and turn it off and just slap me to snap me out of it all. I'm weak. Too weak to handle this. So fucking retarded to ever think that I'd pull this off. Being myself is no good. I want to run away. I want to be the little baby again. The one that' taken care of. That looks at it all with wonder. Not understanding. That feels how he feels. But enough of this I can't take this anymore. I'm shutting this song. These words will be published. Somewhere. And I will hope and pray, yes pray (for myself once) that someone that knows it all will come to the rescue of the fellow that always tries to be the one to rescue. I need help man. Please don't try to if you don't have time. Don't waste time over this guy. I'm pretty pathetic. But...
FUCK! Yes. I need help. I'm in deep shit. Don't waste your time on me but help me. Contradictory? Yes. But I need a hug and the “Everything will be fine bacha” that I end up giving to so many people all the time. I need someone to convince me that everything will be allright.